Keeping It Real
The Israeli style of 'dugri' brings a certain honesty and directness to conversations
It can be strange to read about your own culture in somewhat objective terms. It’s easy to disregard certain qualities as stereotypes and not pay them much attention. You might just realize though upon reading certain descriptions that they are in fact pretty accurate.
Are there timid and soft-spoken Israelis who don’t fall into the ‘aggresive’ and ‘loud’ stereotypes? Betach (of course)! But once in a while, we paint groups of people with a broad stroke to make observations and get to know them better. We also group people from the same country or group together in order to compare them to other groups. Different behaviors within a culture can be mapped out and we can learn about other cultures and see how they match up with other countries. It is not always fair or accurate to make assumptions about people from a certain culture without getting to know them, but we can learn a lot from the “norm” or what a country might be known for.
“Culture can be a sensitive topic. Speaking about a person's culture often provokes the same type of reaction as speaking about his mother. Most of us have a deep protective instinct for the culture we consider our own, and, though we may criticize it bitterly ourselves, we may become easily incensed if someone from outside the culture dares to do so.”
- Erin Meyer, “the Culture Map” (p.24)
I am no armchair anthropologist, but rather in the field. I feel as I may have some permission to comment from the inside while coming from the outside. The following takeaways are not meant to be a criticism, but a way to learn more about Israeli culture.
The Culture Map
While reading Erin Meyer’s “The Culture Map”, I came across a few examples of the Israeli style of conducting business and it generalizes quite accurately to the general population and to other aspects of life.
Hebrew is seen as a ‘high-context’ language meaning that you don’t have to spell things out in the way that you would for English and other ‘low-context’ languages. You can be more direct. This takes some time to get used to when starting out with writing emails and WhatsApp messages in Hebrew as it can be hard to shed the:
“Hi Janet, how are you doing today? I am writing to inquire if it might be possible for us to delay our meeting by 10 or even 15 minutes. My sincere apologies for any inconvenience.”
And embrace a more direct style that is free from these manners:
“Hi Itai, I’m running late. About 10 minutes.
This is not the approach of every Israeli. There are gentler, less assertive Israelis, but this example is meant to demonstrate the tendency to get to the point.
The other two categories where Israel is top ranked are direct negative feedback and being confrontational when facing a disagreement. These aren’t necessarily “bad” qualities. Direct negative feedback comes in place of couching criticism with praise and can be helpful. It is not a character attack, but rather cutting to the chase of where there is room to grow. Being confrontational is also not necessarily a “bad” quality, but rather being more direct and preventing resentment or later hard feelings. While other cultures might shy away from confrontation or tension, many Israelis will dive into it. Those difficult and blunt conversations can often bring people together in the long run. It is quite possible that this feature of Israeli culture accounts for the closeness that many feel to fellow countrymen and countrywomen. If one isn’t afraid to share how they really feel, it fosters a climate and a culture of openness and it can take the sting out of criticism.
Perception of Time
This brings us to a different category of cultural tendencies and that is the realm of time. While certain cultures, such as the Germans, are known for being very punctual and exact, Israelis and other Middle Eastern cultures view time as more fluid. Meetings don’t always start on time and meals can last a little longer than planned. This can create misunderstandings and conflict when one group doesn’t know this or is not explicit about how crucial timeliness is for a certain event. It’s not a matter of disrespecting the time of others, but merely the way things are done. Again, you might have Israelis who are anxious about timeliness and don’t subscribe to this practice, but it is a general practice. Meyer explains in her book that this fluid time is a feature of relationship-centered cultured. Building relationships is highly valued and thus can take precedence over technical tasks or rigid rules.
Fluency in the Language of WhatsApp
Israelis love Whatsapp. It’s a part of life. At work, at home, and keeping in touch with those close by and far away. It has also changed the game in terms of communication. In place of formalities, Israelis can regularly text their managers and sometimes even the CEO. If you have someone’s number, there might be a picture of their family. It’s informal and it allows for easy voice notes. It has streamlined communication. Many Jews around the world might also use it as they picked up the habit while in Israel or use it to keep in touch with Israeli or international friends and family.
While reaching out to people for podcast interviews, it is often easy to find a phone number and send a WhatsApp message to the person directly or to their manager/PR person. I have also experienced quite a bit of quick and direct answers that go a step further. They are often explanatory. In place of “Not interested”, I might receive a “so and so has been really busy because of x, but if you try back next month there could be a better chance”. And they mean it.
From the Mouth to the Outside
There’s an expression in Hebrew, מפה לחוץ (mee-peh luh-chootz), which means “from the mouth to the outside”. In other words, it refers to someone saying something that they don’t really mean. “We should get together soon” or other things that might be less than genuine. As this expression is commonly known, it signals an element of Israeli culture. It’s frowned upon to be disingenuous and that suggests the importance of saying what you mean and meaning what you say.
If I can boil it down, I would summarize Israeli culture in terms of business interactions and more general practices in three words:
Direct. Genuine. Familiar.
New Podcast Episode Dropping Next Week
Israel is a country of deep contrasts, and few divides are as central to its identity as the relationship between religious and secular Jews. From the streets of Tel Aviv to the alleyways of Jerusalem, the dynamic between these communities shapes everything from politics to daily life. But is the gap growing wider, or is there a way to foster greater understanding and shared purpose?
Rabbi David Stav, the chairman of Tzohar, joined me this week to offer his experiences over 30 years of working for unity and meaningful connection to Judaism. Some focus points have been marriage, kashrut, and public policy.
Song of the Week
ירושלים
Yeh-roo-shuh-lye-eem
Jerusalem
This is a new one from M, the star of a past post, whose identity is not known. It’s a love note to Jerusalem and references the charm of the Holy City.
Slang of the Week
תגיד את זה לסבתא שלך
Tu-geed et zeh l’sav-tuh shel-chuh(/uch)
Tell it to your grandma
This is meant as “I don’t believe that at all”
Thank you kindly for reading this week’s post. I hope that you will continue to read and enjoy. Pass it along to friends and family who love Israel and want to learn more about its vibrant culture.
To sponsor a falafel if you like what you read: www.buymeacoffee.com/sababoosh
Wishing you a Shabbat shalom and a quiet and safe weekend!